it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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