real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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