how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
