just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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