I just cut my nipple shaving
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
