i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
