What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
