**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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