When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
