i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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