he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
