OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
