Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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