My room smells like vodka and shame
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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