Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
