You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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