I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
