yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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