Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
