i don't like sucking hair
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize