I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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