he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
