apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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