no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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