I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize