she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
