it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
