don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
