careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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