Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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