Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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