just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
