We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
