Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
