I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
