If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize