Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
