saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
