Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
