the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
