it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
