I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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