whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
