You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
