just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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