"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We need a shit load of segways right now
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
