My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
