At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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