I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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