Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
