I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Randomize