I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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