We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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