I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
