Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
