yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize