Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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