u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
