She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize