Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
