matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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