i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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