I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
