I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
