His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we're making bets on your personal life
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
