Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
