I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
