Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
