Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
