mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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