Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes

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(586): View more from Michigan

sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.

Fav 15 3852 893
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(760): View more from California

I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.

Fav 52 4702 1038
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(818): View more from California

Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks

Fav 32 1220 7461
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(760): View more from California

It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.

Fav 23 1376 4113
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(210): View more from Texas

I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.

(1-210): View more from Texas

I love milkshakes.

(210): View more from Texas

Not the point.

Fav 19 5641 1795
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.

Fav 43 1509 9278
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(512): View more from Texas

Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.

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