i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
