well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
