Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize