just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Every concussion has its silver lining
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
