lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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