I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
