We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
