i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize