Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Pooping to opera.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
