I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
