I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you inspire me to be a worse person
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
