Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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