Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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