I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
