is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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