I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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