So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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