Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
