There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
