I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
