hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Fuck appropriateness.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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