just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We need a shit load of segways right now
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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