i drank out of a bidet.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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