Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
