and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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